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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 06:46
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There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Hot and mean crime does not pay
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
The truth is more important than the facts.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/30/(Mon) 00:22
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